(no subject)

i forgot i had this shit for a while....
almost all summer really.
too much to catch up on, i mostly won't even bother.
ive been biking a lot, all over
i lost about 15 pounds since last time i wrote in this
there's been some more family drama,
but my dad and i are friends-ish lately
abby got her port out,
so she is totally done with cancer treatment now.
im super proud of my abbyboo <3
i'm doing senior year at the harriet tubman free school
the orientation is wednesday morning through thursday morning
or something like that. oohhhhh nerve-wracking,
my people skills have totally deteriorated....
i havent seen much of anyone lately.
i saw tony the other day though, after months.
and he bought me lunch for once!! it was fucking weird.
oh and today i spent a few hours with my grandparents,
which we don't usually do, my sisters and i talking with
them for an extended period of time i mean. it was good.
  • Current Music
    'spanish caravan' // the doors

(no subject)

these are from an adventure with estelle, on june 19th.
















  • Current Music
    'the mosquito' // the doors

(no subject)

i am really tired, all the time....
i want an apartment of my own
kerri and i went to an abandoned house today
we made it halfway up the driveway,
then decided to come back when we have
estelle and cj with us to fight off anyone who
might want to hold us hostage or something.
then it rained and thundered so we went home
we listened to the beatles and laid down
there was hail, huge pieces of it all over
and lightning in the backyard.
she gave me a pretty blue shirt
and then later my mom and i went out
she bought me cute stickers at michaels
they are of owls and fishes and mushrooms and
rainbows and hearts and apples and flowers
they're bright colours and sparkly and all.
then we went home to get abby,
and went out to eat mexican food at a restaurant called garcia's.
but right now i am just so tired.
it might be from having a cold,
or maybe i only am tired
i sleep a lot though
i have to clean a lot tonight and tomorrow
and and and i don't know, i want to sleep so much instead
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy


if you read this post... listen to this song while you do. open this link a new window/tab or whatever you use:
'aquarius' // boards of canada

abby went outside with me when i went to smoke a clove, my second to last.
there were fireflies, not many, but a few. skip followed us out; he always does.
i sat in a chair that sort of rocks. the tv inside the window upstairs was flashing
blue light onto the lawn and trees, sometimes barely there, sometimes so bright.
i was listening to 'aquarius' by boards of canada, which is why i told you to put
it on while you read this. it fits so well with the moment somehow. very mellow.
i realized i feel safe at my house and outside my house, and i didn't always used
to. i used to have crazy paranoias when i was much younger, about robbers and
bears and anything scary when you're little. or when you're not so little. you know.
i really like my house, but i'm ready to move out this fall if i can. i've been here
a long time, homeschooled until 9th grade, that's a lot of time to be home with
the same people. i spent three hours cleaning the house tonight and i'm still not
done at all. my mom said she's got no time to clean, too busy planning and
preparing for abby's off-treatment no-more-leukemia party on june 22nd.
but yeah i was outside with abby at 1am and it was beautiful out, the sky was
reddish-orange lack of color on the edges, purple in the middle, a few stars.
the moon is deep orange tonight and clouds around it. cloves make a loud
crackling sound. skip was tired out from running around all day. when abby and
i were going back in and skip was following us, he found a big feather on the
ground and carried it inside with him. it looks like its from a hawk or crow or
something; i certainly wouldn't know.
i've been awake since 9am yesterday, well i had one or two hours of sleep,
but it barely accounts for anything... i've got the slightest visual hallucinations,
like when you're tripping, but so, so vague and barely there. i don't know if i'll
go to sleep tonight or not... if i want to stay awake, i think i'll be able to.
tomorrow, my mom and abby and kerri and i are going to a farm that has
baby animals specifically, indian ladder farm, and it should be good, i hope.
i'm just happy to see kerri again, i like to be around my friends if only to know
that i can try to take care of them that much easier, with them right next to me.
i think now i am going to go wash my face and eat a green apple and lay in bed.
i might go to sleep or i might not. it doesn't matter either way. what did i even write?
  • Current Music
    boards of canada

(no subject)

i got my hair cut the other day, and my bff cj is coming over
today and i'm so excited to see her, it's been weeks and i
love her so muuuchhhhh today is gonna be the greatest.!!!!!
  • Current Mood
    excited excited

(no subject)

uhhh almost nothing to say
yesterday i went to katy's art show at lark vegas,
it was the opening night and her photographs
are amazing; anyone who lives in the albany-ish
area needs to go check them out now. we went
to cady's house for the night cause it was her
birthday and it was fun, umm i don't feel like
typing anything right now but i haven't updated
LJ for days; it's something i need to do more or
else i never remember anything that happened.
i miss my friends and i worry about them.
i sleep all the time and wake up once its dark,
there are always strange dreams that i can
barely remember when i wake up. i wish it would
be warmer and less windy, that'd be really nice.
i walked for a while today, from cady's to the
bus stop, i'm pretty sure it's the one where tony
and i were waiting at for so long during the
snowstorm that one time a while ago, the one
where we first kissed and there was so much
snow and we waited for the bus for over an hour
but were too drunk to really notice that. lots of
good memories with tony, fun times. he was
there for a while last night too but i didn't really
get to see him much. he told his crashing-his-
dads-car-into-a-tree story again, typical.
oh and i saw tom today when i got off the bus in
latham, now that he works at hannaford i see him
so much more and its really good. he's pretty funny.
i would like to have something to do tonight, but
all there is around here is... reading and tv. and i
don't really watch tv anymore, other than lost.

(no subject)

awesome, i worked for dad today and made 30$.
im exhausted now; tons of dragging branches and
raking stuff and whatever, but hey now i have $$.
now i really kinda want to go take a nap.
  • Current Music
    'too hot' // the specials

(no subject)

forgot to post for a few days...
estelle and i had adventures and it was awesome
we went to open mic night too
and i saw kerri there! first time in about a month ish?
it was good but i had a horrible headache
i saw tons of friends i haven't seen in ages
then other people had some dramas going on
later estelle and i watched movies
'hair' was so good
the ending was incredibly sad
we went to go see dwayne at cumbys
and give him a homemade clay 'give a penny take a penny' pot
but he wasn't there!!
it was some other guy.
estelle gave him the pot instead and told him the story
and dwayne's name really is dwayne
but he got transferred. so devastating :'(
we watched more movies when we got home
didnt go to bed until 8am

estelle left at like 12 ish,
i hung out with my sister hannah in her room,
got subway,
thats about it. boring

woke up, got dressed, went to kerri's house
it was great to actually hang out again
we didnt see too much of eachother at open mic night
she baked davis a gorgeous birthday cake,
tons of sprinkles and frosting and edible glitter
we watched 'almost famous'
she made me delicious ravioli things
we listened to music
and it was all amazing, cause seeing her always is.
when i came home i took a nap
then ate burritos with my family
then we went to walmart
and we bought giant grandma underwear for the laughs of it
you havent seen funny until you've seen this underwear.
also my mom bought me mountain dew pajama pants, awesome
that's been the past few days
it was the best weekend in so long
  • Current Music
    'saw red' // sublime

(no subject)

i'm sleeping all the time and on lexapro to see how it goes and
still jobless and reading whenever i'm awake and planning on
going to streetlight manifesto next month and maybe badfish
too but if i find people to go with and basically lifes all the same.
i can't wait for friday, can't wait for saturday, spring break when
everyone can hang out more not that i even have anyone to hang
out with in the first place, other than maybe two or three people.
or maybe i'll get motivation to hang out with someone new.
it's so hot in this room, and too cold outside. adkjghdsghd;sdhjksf
  • Current Music
    'everything went numb' // streetlight manifesto

(no subject)

the other day katy and i went rollerskating at guptills,
then walked home in NY's idea of a baby hurricane.
today i met up with estelle and her nephew aiden,
to go to the park. it was great cause i haven't seen
estelle in ages, and thats not good. her nephew is
absolutely adorable too. so yeah that was earlier.
now cj my bff is here. my dad brought us and abby
to guptills for ice cream, and then we got tons of
junk at cumbys too. it was awesome. we watched
'surfs up' when we got home, and it basically
describes the religion that cj & i created, vaguism.
"which sounds really strange when you say it"
as cj pointed out, lol. that was it, now its now. the end
  • Current Music